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Although I made it ambiguously clear that The York Inverse Essay Contest was for one week only, Anonymous submitted another topic – intimacy – for my consideration, well after the deadline had past. Well, Anon., dear old friend, here’s what I have to say to you:
Sexism is funny. Now, I just got out of the shower, but before I got in, I left my cell phone on the coffee table and said to Julie My Love, “If this rings, and it’s not a girl you don’t know, answer it.”
Well, I didn’t really say it so much as think it, but I could’ve, and that leads to my next tenet of comedy: funny before feelings. Would my saying that have hurt Julie’s feelings? More importantly, would it have been funny?” Hurt feelings heal with time; the opportunity for great humour is ephemeral.
Let me give you another example of the combined power of these two principles.
The most simplified summation of fame, I think, is being recognized by someone whom you don’t know. By that definition, and through the mighty power of yorkrules.com, I have achieved a semblance of fame. Of course, once you’ve put your foot on the first rung of the ladder to celebrity, you reflexively look up to where you’re climbing.
When you’re famous, so I’ve heard, all manner of women begin to throw themselves at you. Naturally, as the partner of this meteoric talent, Julie would be concerned about my fidelity to our relationship.
I’ve already rehearsed what I’m going to say.
“Julie, I love you more than anything on this Earth, and I will be with you until the day I die, with unwavering loyalty and respect. Nothing would compel me to break the emotional contract that is this relationship.
“Although we’re going to have to add a teenage girls clause.”
You see. Incredibly sexist and hurtful, too. I didn’t say that either. But if I had, Julie, because she knows me so well, and loves me so dearly, would know that I was only joking, because she knows how I joke, and so she’d still love me. That’s intimacy.
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