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I never knew my paternal grandfather. He got drunk and drove himself off a cliff long before I was born. My great uncle and my father were also raging alcoholics, and, coincidentally, they too are dead. With such a legacy as this, I instinctively recognized early on that I would have to make a choice that would likely determine the duration of my existence: Scotch or bourbon? Naturally, I went with bourbon, because Scotch is disgusting. Show me a bottle of Maker’s Mark and I’ll show you a third generation alcoholic.But we can’t all be bourbon men - in fact, more than half of us can’t even be men - so the next time you’re ordering a drink from the bar, may I suggest the Milky Frenchman? The bartender won’t know it, because Friend Randy and I just came up with it, so have him follow along as you read off the list of ingredients:
1 oz. Brandy
1 tsp. Jamaica Rum
1 dash Bitters
3/4 oz. Crème de Menthe
1/4 tsp. Powdered Sugar
1 oz. Sweet Vermouth
1 tsp. Grenadine
1/2 oz. Apple Brandy
3/4 oz. Benedictine
Juice of 1/2 Lime
1 oz. Cherry Brandy
1 tsp. Crème de Banana
1/4 tsp. Maraschino
1 oz. Anisette
3/4 oz. Peach Brandy
2 oz. Mescal
Juice of 1/2 Lemon
1 tbsp. Port
1 tsp. Heavy Cream
1 1/2 oz. Sloe Gin
1 oz. Apricot Brandy
1/2 oz. Dry Vermouth
1 tsp. Raspberry Syrup
3/4 oz. Chartreuse
Juice of 1/2 Orange
1 tbsp. Blue Curaçao
1 1/2 tsp. Kirschwasser
2 tsps. Fino Sherry
1 1/2 tsps. 151-Proof Rum
1/2 oz. Kümmel
12 Mint Leaves
1 Egg White (Whipped)
Sip gingerly from the proffered beverage, then spit it out (not that you’ll have much choice in the matter,) and say, “That doesn’t taste like any Milky Frenchman< I’ve ever had! I guess I’ll just have a beer.”
Or, if you’re like me, make it a bourbon. Cheers!
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